We go back and forth between thinking she has relapsed to saying she might be okay. We are just very uneasy about the whole situation-- to the point where I can't relax. I find it hard to concentrate on much else and I feel like Thanksgiving and our week after plans have been ruined. How can I enjoy myself when I am worried about Maggie relapsing?
The only thing that will put me at ease and let my mind rest is if these stupid spots just go away. I wake up each day hoping that they are gone, but not yet. And my eyes are doing tricks by making me think that they are changing in size, color, or increasing in numbers. I'm scared, really scared.
If behavior and demeanor meant anything in the grand scheme of things, Maggie would be as healthy as a horse. She's laughing, smiling, wanting to walk, wanting to play--things that we haven't seen her do in a long, long time, if ever. She's gaining weight. She's up to 23 lbs. 7 1/2 ounces. She's having the best time and the horrible thing is, it's hard for me to enjoy it with this scare.
Please pray for Maggie. Pray that she has not relapsed and that these spots are benign. Pray that Maggie has been healed of cancer. Please pray that we can have a peace of mind and trust that God is in control-- that his plan is for Maggie to survive.
6 comments:
Praying hard that those spots will disappear and that your confidence and peace will return. We love you guys and want nothing more than for this whole journey to end with a healthy, happy, Maggie!
Please, please don't let Thanksgiving be ruined. We found out that Lydia had relapsed on Christmas Eve..yes, Christmas Eve...and it would have been so easy to let that destroy us. Am I telling you it was easy to make Christmas wonderful last year? It was not.
None of us know how long we are here. Before Lydia had leukemia, I knew that but I didn't really KNOW it....I went through life thinking about things as though there is always going to be a tomorrow. Given that NONE of us know if we will be here tomorrow, we should live each and every day just being in the present moment. When we knew that last Christmas was likely our LAST Christmas together as a family, it was the most joyous Christmas ever. We all should live every moment that way...not thinking too far ahead about worries that may or may not happen, but just enjoying each moment for what it is. Please, please take my advice, and enjoy each and every moment....push those thoughts as far as you can into the corner of your mind. And if it would make you feel better, you can always tell Dr. French you want them to do a bone marrow aspiration to re-assure you that all is well. This Thanksgiving will be especially hard for us....but I know now it is SPECIAL and oh so important that Max, Mark, my parents, Mark's parents, me...we are all still here...and we should treasure the time we have together.
I hope you will indeed have a blessed and joyous Thanksgiving...joyous implying a bittersweet nature to the holiday that will make it all the more sacred.
Love and prayers for you,
Monica Miyashita
I am loving you and praying for you. Keep telling yourself that these doctors are the ones who first told you the spots were something to be worried about, so for now, trust and love. Celebrate and enjoy her happy playful mood, take pictures, video tape it, and embrace the gift God is giving you for your thanksgiving. He is giving you a happy Maggie who can enjoy a holiday and act like a "normal" child. That in itself is a gift to be thankful for. Deal with all the rest on Monday and know that you are surrounded in prayers - helping you get through the weekend. Let me know if you need anything! i am a phone call away.
Praying for you guys and especially for Maggie. It seems that life still goes on even when it's a special holiday. I will be praying for God's peace and healing hand to be upon each of you over these holiday times. May you truly be able to enjoy those little moments and big moments with family, friends, and your little miracle girl!
Can't imagine what it's like for you. I'm scared, too, and I'm just a cousin. But don't let the fear keep you from taking delight in Maggie being playful and inquisitive and adventurous. Lydia's mother Monica said it so very well in her post. I'm praying for Maggie's healing and praying for peace of mind and a keen sense of God's unfailing support for the two of you. With love from Cousin Carol in Lakeland.
We heard about your story in our Sunday school class, and are praying for you, your husband, and your daughter. I am a person who likes to feel that I am in control, but many things in my life lately are completely out of my control, and only in God's hands, so I can relate to your situation in a small way. I know it is easy to feel defeated on a daily basis, but know and feel encouraged that we all have seasons of defeat and know that there are armies of people praying for you daily. People that you may never know, never meet, but who care about you and your situation.
Post a Comment