One Rough Week

The past week has been a very rough one for us.  It started out last week with Colin going to the doctors with a really bad case of cradle cap and rash.  The doctor thought it would ease our (my) worried minds if we did a blood test on him to just show he was okay (given Maggie's history).  We didn't want this, but went with it because it would show some allergy issues, which might be the cause of Colin's rash.  They drew blood Wednesday at 5:30 and said that we wouldn't hear results until the next morning.  The night of waiting reminded us of the weekend of waiting that we did almost 3 years ago.  It was torture and it started a whirlwind of memories, fears, worries, etc.  The next morning she called and told us there were some numbers that were too high and others that were too low.  She wanted to send it over to Maggie's oncologist to have them look it over.  Nobody ever wants to hear something like that.  Later in the afternoon we got a call from the oncology nurse that the numbers were fine.  While the doctor was only thinking she was doing us a favor, it ended up being quite torturous and we just haven't quite recovered from it.

Skip ahead to yesterday, with our nerves already frazzled, I was playing with Maggie and found a bump on the back of her neck.  An immediate feeling of sickness came over my body and I immediately called the hem/oc clinic.  The nurse I confide in said that it was best if we wait a couple of days to see if it grows or changes.  I think one of the most torturous things to do to a parent who has a child with a history of cancer is to make them wait.  After awhile I called them back and requested blood counts immediately.  They called later and wanted to see Maggie instead, saying that it might not necessarily show up in the counts.  Again, a night of waiting, not eating, not sleeping...torture.

We went in to see Dr. French and he labeled it benign, most likely from the eczema on her head, neck, and body.  He will take a look at it in two weeks at Maggie's monthly clinic visit, but for now, we need to start eating again.

Worry.  That's all I ever do anymore.  I just can't get past the worry.  I know what I need to do, but it is so hard after all that we've been through.  I'm told it's a process, but when moments like the last week that we've had come around, everything resurfaces.  My psychologist husband says it's PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and Maggie's nurse agrees.  What we have been through in the last 2 1/2 years has been so scary (that's putting it kindly) and we are completely frazzled.

We thank you so much for the outpouring support and prayers, and I ask that you continue to pray for Maggie that she will remain cancer-free and healthy.  I also ask that you pray for us.  We are worn out.