Deja Vu

It has been awhile since my last post and I apologize for that.  We have been in transition this past month and we are still trying to find our way.  Andy started his new job in northeast Ohio at the beginning of November and we followed him up.  My very generous maternal grandparents have opened up their home to us while they are living in Florida for the winter, so we are splitting our time between there and our house.

Last night, we experienced a moment in our lives that we hoped to never have to repeat.  For the last two months, Colin has had petechiae-like spots on the trunk of his body (petechiae are broken capillaries under the skin that look like mild pin pricks or purple or red spots.  They are commonly caused by a low platelet count, something that is often associated with leukemia).  We showed them to his pediatrician at his 12 month visit and she offered to do a CBC.  We didn't think it was a big problem at that point in time, so we declined.

During the past week, we had noticed an increased amount of spotting on his trunk.  I think any other parent might have taken it for a rash, but given our history, we recognized it as something possibly more concerning.  Andy had a peace about the situation, however, I could not get over the possibility that we might be going down the same road that we had taken with Maggie 3 1/2 years ago.  Andy insisted that we get the spots looked at in Akron at the Children's Hospital--to ease our minds and hopefully rule out leukemia.

So, last night we took Colin to the ER to get him checked out.  The hospital nurses and doctors confirmed our suspicions; the spots were petechiae and we were immediately rushed to a room to be examined.  The doctors wanted to do blood work to determine the cause.  All of a sudden, leukemia was back on the table as a possibility for our "healthy" child.  A whole rush of feelings came back to us as they prepped him for an IV and struggled to find a vein as he fought (just like Maggie).  After about 30 minutes, they were able to get their blood samples and we were told to wait an hour for the results.  During that hour, we tried to comfort Colin who was upset by the situation and we prayed desperately that our fears would be taken away.

Ultimately, the doctor came in saying "Do you want to hear the good news or the good news?"  Can I just say that a wave of relief washed over me with that question.  Colin's blood counts all looked great.  His white count was normal, which we were very relieved to hear.  His platelets were normal, so now we may have to explore further why he is getting petechiae.  But, it is not leukemia.  We later heard from our nurse that after they had drawn Colin's blood (and before the results were in) they were all praying for us.  They were concerned about Colin's presentation, as well as sympathetic to our history and emotions.

It's difficult being a parent of a child who had cancer.  We are forever traumatized by Maggie's initial diagnosis, treatment, and recovery from complications of her treatment.  I have found it very difficult to forget and the past week (and especially yesterday) we relived many of those emotions that we hoped to never have again.  I find it to be a curse to live with these memories and emotions.  When talking with our oncology nurse about Colin this week, she told me that for Colin to have leukemia would mean we have really bad luck.  I started to question that luck as we waited in the hospital last night.  I began to picture all that we had done with Maggie during her treatment and thought there is no way we could do this ever again. I was so scared, and maybe more so because we're not naive to how hard it is.

With the good news from the doctor, came such relief and joy.  Our joy is back.  Our happiness knowing we have two healthy children is here and I pray that we never have to experience the questioning of that health ever again.  We can celebrate Christmas knowing that God has shown us His faithfulness, once again. And we hope that you, too, have a healthy and blessed Christmas season.