Have you ever been told that you can't eat? Let alone, tell practically a baby that she is not allowed to eat? No, you probably haven't. Well, let me tell you that it is absolutely horrible to do so. Maggie asks us for food and milk through sign language and pointing and what do we do? We tell her "no" or ignore her. Not only are we not providing for her needs, but we are ignoring her communicating to us. A little one like her does not understand this nor should she have to. It is complete cruelty in my opinion.
It is obvious that Maggie is hungry as I can hear her belly rumbling. We have had issues with her interest in eating since she was diagnosed and now, for once, she wants to eat and we tell her no. Seriously, what is this teaching her? I am very upset with this new "trial" that we have been put through. Don't you think (God) that we have dealt with enough? Because of all the issues we have been having, I hardly have time to think about the main illness that we are dealing with. Quite honestly, enough. I am tired of putting my child through this. She has been through more than you or I have or probably will ever go through and she is only 19 months! I just don't understand.
I also sit here by myself as my family has gone to the park for a walk. Why? So that I can eat. I never realized how food is such a social event. In the last several days, Andy and I have taken turns to eat while the other distracts Maggie. Eating is not nearly as fun nor the food is as good when you are eating all by yourself. I am quite saddened by the whole thing. I feel as though our family is not quite right as we are unable to share the joy of talking around the table, sharing food, and enjoying each other's company. I knew that these 4 weeks would be tough, but we have only been home for 4 days and it really feels like torture on all of us. I really can't imagine doing this for a whole month.
I am very frustrated right now. My heart continues to hurt for Maggie and what she is dealing with. I just want her to live a "normal" life and to be healthy, but it feels like we continue to get bombarded by new obsticles. I'm so tired of it.
12 comments:
My dears,
I cannot imagine what you are going through, even though I was not allowed to eat for 8 weeks last summer while I was being tube fed after my pancreatic/gall bladder crisis.
My heart goes out to you as parents as much as to Maggie. I will be sending something that will hopefully cheer you all up if even for a short time. Stay tuned...
Much love,
Aunt Judith
I'm crying with you, wishing I had answers or an insight to share. Just love and prayers for all of you, same as always.
Debbie M.
Dear God,
Hear the cries of this family, especially your precious child, and bring them comfort and peace as they walk this trial seemingly alone. Yet you will not forsake them. May this trial strengthen their faith by knowing you, God, are the only One who knows their suffering firsthand. When the frustration is too great and the tears roll from their eyes, help them, Lord! Help them! Amen.
It isn't fair, I'm so sorry. Jess
No, it isn't fair. None of you deserves this. I cannot be a "Job's counselor" and try to convince you otherwise. Nor try to talk you out of your feelings which are entirely appropriate, so far as I can tell.
The only thing I can share today is that you are much in my heart and prayers.
And that yesterday, when I told my friend about Maggie, she said she recently visited friends whose child had some kind of cancer (sorry I don't remember the specific kind) and he just graduated from college.
But living in and for the future is very hard indeed. When there are so many challenges in the present.
Please keep sharing. We will all keep hoping and praying. For strength and resilience.
Especially for Maggie. She has shown herself to be very resilient in the past. Let's hope and pray that she will soon adapt herself to this new "normal" until her body recovers enough to eat again.
Love, tears, prayers always.
Great Aunt Phyllis
Whitney,
My heart just breaks for you and your family. We are praying for you all.
Susan N.
Praying for you. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for your sweet baby. I am hoping for strength for each day and moment.
Through tears I just shake my head for lack of words and pray for you, Andy and Maggie.
The whole situation of having a child with cancer/leukemia is so unfair. It truly is, and it just stinks! There is no other way to look at it. My daughter suffering through AML and then succumbing to the disease is the worst thing I can think of happening to anyone, and none of our children should have to go through this. I don't understand it and never will. I remember times when Lydia was NPO for as much as 20 hours, and how awful it was. I just can't even imagine with a baby and for this length of time. If you feel as a mother this is not right, follow your instinct and push the doctors on this. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and everything that you feel and have said, is totally right on!
Blessings,
Monica Miyashita, Mom to Angel Lydia
www.caringbridge.org/visit/lydialimeieikomiyashita
my heart is heavy for what you and Maggie are going thru. i can not imagine what this must be like-- for you as a parent or for your sweet little baby. nothing about a baby with cancer makes any sense- really. i pray that God supernaturally protects Maggie in ways we can not even imagine thru this whole awful experience. and I pray this is the darkness before the light with a big break thru for you.
I weep with you, Whitney. I cannot begin to imagine the journey you have been on as a family. And the things Maggie has had to endure at such a young age like you said truly saddens me. I will be praying the supernatural strength I'm sure it must take to continue on. Love you.
Thank you for sharing your very honest feelings. We can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be. But know that you are all in our prayers. We pray for healing and strength for the journey. May God blanket you with His peace.
Blessings,
Kay and Terry Shue
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